6.18: "The Real Paul Anka"--It is what it is

So, 6.18, "The Real Paul Anka"? Let me sum up all the storylines I don't care about first.

Luke and Lorelai blah blah blah.

Lorelai and the wedding dress blah blah blah.

Kirk and the Gilmores and the toxic Stars Hollow blah blah blah.

Luke and April blah blah cute scene with April meeting Jess blah blah.

Logan and Rory? Okay, I've got a few things to say here. I felt for Logan. As much of a Lit romantic as I am and always will be, I can't bring myself to fully hate Logan, and he's a complex enough character to draw me in and keep me intrigued, even if not always liking him. This episode, I believed his emotional arc, from the beginning in the apartment to the newspaper to the LDB plans to his leaving. It was a believable trajectory, and I bought the increase in his frustration with Rory, and yet I still believed that he was hurt, not just angry, when he left.

Having said that, let's get to the real meat of the episode.

Jess. It's all about Jess.

Man, I love that boy. He's easily my favorite character, and don't even get me started on Milo. He's one of the best young actors out there today (and it may warrant a separate post on the Bedford Diaries, but that's another story), and there's a reason he's so in demand right now.

Okay. Let me try and condense four days' worth of intense discussion and scrutiny of this episode into something digestable. Seriously--you have no idea how much time and energy I've been expending with my online friends, dissecting this whole thing. It's kind of sad, but not really. I refuse to believe that it's really that sad! And let me apologize (just a little) if this turns into as much a manifesto on Rory and Jess' relationship as anything else--I'll try to keep it on topic, but my thoughts lately have been flying all over the place when it comes to them, not confined to the episode.

First of all, every single time I've seen Jess since his S4 appearances, I've been impressed with the way his character has grown and changed and developed. I'll say again that he is one of the most dynamic characters on the show. He's taken his life and worked through it, and has grown up!

Jess at 17 was a kid. Jess at 22 is an adult. He's still Jess--there's still the same core of what makes him who he is, but he's softer, more mature, determined, focused, and sensitive to the people around him. Again, all without losing that internal spark of "Jess." Every single part of his appearance in this episode demonstrated that. In every action, he showed how much he's matured, and it made me so proud of him.

First of all, Luke and Jess. The thing I loved about those interactions was the fact that it showed us that they've had a developing relationship ever since 4.21, "Last Week Fights, This Week Tights." That scene and hug was just the beginning, as amazing as it was, and I was always disappointed that we never got to see Jess getting Rory's information from Luke in 6.08, "Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out."

This scene, though, showed the depth of their relationship--that it had obviously been a while since they'd seen each other, but they'd been talking and communicating, and the level of comfort was so evident.

I wish that Jess would have confronted Luke on the situation with April, but in context, this was perfect. It wasn't the time or place for Jess to make a big deal about it--and we have no indication that he even knew that Lorelai wasn't part of things. All we know is that Liz told him (which also means that he's communicating with his mom!), but presumably, Liz doesn't know all the gory details as they relate to L/L. But in the setting they were in, at the time and place... this was the best "reciprocation" that Luke could have asked for, and the best validation that Jess could have gotten.

I have no doubt that hearing the words "I'm so proud of you" come from Luke's mouth was one of the things that made it all worth it for Jess.

Now, for Rory and Jess. This is what I wrote in an email to Adina, a couple of days before the episode aired:

On one level, I totally do [want a kiss], and when/if they do, I'll be jumping around the room screaming. Prepare your ears now. But on another level... what sort of dynamic do they/will they have? Will that wreck it? Will that leave them in yet another awkward goodbye? I would hate to see them revert to that sort of unfinished business, but at the same time, I don't want them to "finish" their business.

I'm seriously stressing out about this! I don't know what I want more--I want to see a Rory/Jess moment, but... it's not that I don't want something to happen behind Logan's back for Logan's sake, because I do care about him, but not that much. It's more that I don't want to see something happen behind Logan's back for Rory and Jess' sake. I don't want their friendship to constantly be built on Rory kissing him behind her boyfriends' backs--they're both better than that, and they both deserve better than that. Do you know what I mean? Get my dilemma?

And then right after the episode, I wrote:

Here's what I want to see happen: Jess kisses Rory, Rory responds, realizes that she has all these conflicting emotions. 'What? I love Logan! But I think I still love Jess! And he obviously still has feelings for me! Ack! What do I do?!'

Rory pulls away, tells Jess that she's sorry, that she's still with Logan, but doesn't throw it in his face that she can't cheat on Logan the way he cheated on her. She gets confused, and then goes home and realizes that she needs to make a decision.

Rory is caught between obligation and old feelings, and she doesn't know which is stronger, or which she should choose. She has to really struggle with it, and has to determine why she loves Logan and what about Jess draws her in, even now.

That, I would believe. I would buy her struggling with that, and I think that it would be far more believable than just hurting Jess and then leaving. I just don't buy that she would kiss Jess to try and cheat on Logan. I don't buy it at all. And maybe that was an afterthought--maybe it wasn't her initial reaction to his kiss--but I hated that they went there at all. That's not Rory. She cares too much about Jess. And yes, she may run away from him, and she may inadvertently hurt him, but I refuse to believe that she would actually try to use him like that.

I still don't think that she went to Philly to lead Jess on. I think she really did go because she was proud of him, but I think that there were a hundred other things mixed up in there. Like we were talking about before, I think that part of it was the fact that, on some level, maybe she wanted him to knock some sense into her, but when he did, it scared her, and her reaction, her words, were a knee-jerk reaction, meant to ease her own pain by hurting him.

I really, really want to see Rory wrestle with it. I hate that she threw that "I love Logan" in Jess' face, but I get that she responded, and then realized that she needed to get herself out of the situation before she did something she'd regret. That, I get. I just don't want it to end there. And even though we won't see Jess again for the rest of the season, he *has* to make an impact on her!! This has to make an impact!

I wonder if/how this will prove our theory that she reacts to his actions more strongly than he realizes. This is a little different, because in this case, he's not the one running, but he's still shaking up her world, and I wonder if she'll react as strongly to this as she has in the past.

Maybe this is where they'll take Rory's thoughts and decisions in the next few episodes. I really hope so--I hope they make her struggle with this, because it's something she needs to fight out within herself.

When the episode aired, I was screaming at Rory, and I was actually quite mad at her for hurting Jess the way she did, but after having a few days to calm down, I'm realizing that my problem with Rory in this episode wasn't the fact that she kissed Jess back, or the fact that she came to Philly in the first place, because I fully agree that it was not intentionally to cheat on Logan. It's that she verbalized the fact that the thought of using Jess to hurt Logan even crossed her mind. If it did... well, that's her reaction. But she doesn't have to tell him that she can't use him like that. It struck something in him, and coupled with the fact that she told him that she can't go further with him because she's still in love with Logan--that's a double-whammy that shows great insensitivity. I understand that she absolutely needed to tell him that she's still with Logan. I don't want her to lie to either of them. But I felt like she unnecessarily went into details that he didn't need to know.

As for Jess' response, particularly the "You and me, it is what it is" and the "You can tell him we did something if you want to" comments... broke my heart. Both of them. Again, kudos to Milo's acting there, but it just revealed something so deep and intimate about Jess and his feelings for Rory, and there's a realization that he loves Rory deeply, no matter what, and that it's a deeper realization than I think she's capable of right now, which has got to hurt him a lot.

Nothing between them is simple. It never has been, and why should it start being simple and predictable now? "It is what it is," in the sense that it has always been complicated and emotional and deeply personal, and he's learned to accept that.

"It is what it is" is a loaded statement, encompassing all this and more--it sums up, the best it can, their relationship. And while it may be vague and unspecific, it's the only way to define it.

The range of emotions playing across Jess' face when he finds out that Logan cheated on Rory is amazing. That look, combined with all the ramifications of "It is what it is," is heartbreaking. I think that Jess, in that moment, hates Logan more for hurting Rory than he's upset at Rory for hurting him. There's obviously a huge combination of emotions in Jess right then, but I got the feeling that, despite the way Rory had just acted, he was more sad for her than angry with her.

I don't think that her reaction to his kiss (the fact that she's running, again, and that she's involved with someone else, again, and the fact that cheating with him even crossed her mind) changes how he feels about her. I think that Jess is too deeply invested in Rory for his feelings for her to change that quickly. His immediate reaction changed, obviously, to hurt, disappointment, and anger, but his underlying love and care for her won't go away that easily. If it hasn't yet, after all the other things they've gone through, it won't, just because she's with someone else.

Someone suggested that his comment, "You can tell him that we did something, if you like," was the one gift he could give her in that moment--that he was sacrificing his pride for the sake of taking away some of her hurt.

That's true, but I think that not only was he sacrificing his pride; he was giving it up over the one thing that he had never gotten to experience with her. No, he didn't explicitly say, "You can tell him that we slept together," but that was the impression that I got from it.

In a way, he was giving up the chance for a romantic, sweet story of their (as yet nonexistant) first time in order to try and alleviate her hurt.

Now, the overall Rory/Jess manifesto. What are they? What can they/will they/should they be? And believe it or not, all of this is the condensed version. Of everything. If you want the whole discussion, head over to TWoP and try to follow along on the boards there!

I think that Rory and Jess will always be something to each other. I think that they've had the connection and the potential for that "great love" ever since the beginning, but it's always been their issues that have kept them apart. First Jess, now Rory, have placed obstacles in the way, but it's not for a lack of spark, chemistry, compatability, caring, belief, or love towards each other.

I think that Rory outgrew Dean, and she has the potential to outgrow Logan, but I don't think that Rory and Jess would outgrow each other. If anything, they have always spurred each other on to grow, change, and be better people, and once they figure out how to communicate and deal with their issues, they will (speaking in faith, here!) be one of those couples that you look at, and you can't imagine either of them with anyone else. But that's the challenge, as many people have already mentioned. They need to deal with their issues and be at the starting point at the same time. After that, I think they would be beside each other to work through whatever came their way, but they need to start on a common ground that they don't have yet.

This trip to Philly and Rory's reaction to Jess was never, in my opinion, about getting even for past mistakes and hurt. That's not what Rory went to Philly for; that's not what Jess saw in it. She went because he was proud of him, and the evening got more intense than I think she had bargained for. He saw another chance, but when he realized that it wasn't really the open door he had thought, it wasn't about, "Well, now we've both screwed each other over; let's call it a day."

Do I think Jess would date someone else? Maybe. But I don't see him as the type to fall in love easily, and I don't see him opening himself up quickly. He has definitely softened and matured over the years, but there's still, I think, a guardedness to him that will always be there, even though he has overcome a lot of the barriers and walls the he set up. I think that Rory will always be in his mind and heart, and if he dates someone else, especially seriously, it wouldn't be for quite a while, and it would take him a long time to get to that point with whomever it was.

Does Rory still love Jess? Absolutely. I think that her being "in love" with Logan is real, but I think that it's also a matter of choice, and a decision based on, among other things, proximity and the fact that Jess hurt her very deeply, and she needed to move away from that for her own sanity. I think that she could easily "fall in love" with Jess again--it wouldn't take more than a few days with him to give her some serious conflict. I mean, look at what happened within the space of a few hours. I think that she could choose to stay with Logan, and she could love him, but I don't think that her feelings for Jess can be that easily dismissed.

They have enough faith in each other, despite all the history between them, for each of them to go out and make a hard, life-altering change based primarily on the other's encouragement and opinion. If that doesn't say something, I don't know what does.